International Women's Day 2019
At the risk of being “too political” I wanted to take a moment to celebrate and acknowledge this day. International Women’s day is a celebration across the globe recognizing the social, cultural, economic, and political achievements of women. It’s a day to recognize the incredible actions of women across the globe to make our world a more equal and better place. The theme this year is “Better the Balance Better the World”. I find that I spend a lot of my time teaching my clients how to improve the balance in their lives. Also, I just noticed that the balance work I do is also about creating equity in their career, relationships, physical health, and well being and of course mental health.
I want to take a moment to appreciate the women in my life (including my clients) as well as the women who are creating important change in this world. Women are fighters and that is one of the reasons that I love to work with them in my practice. Many women that I work with have been crushed to feel so small and have had to endure so much. I want nothing more for the women in my practice to feel empowered to create the change that they want in their lives. Well let’s be real that is my goal for every client. It is just that, women and especially moms struggle to ask for the same needs that they give to their children and spouses.
I wanted to put together a few tips to help you create a more balanced world for yourself.
1. Ask for Help!
Many of us grew up in households that were unequal or out of balance, and depending on your generation, you watched your mother work and then rush home to have dinner on the table by 5, make sure the house was clean, and that the kids have been rushed to soccer practice, band lessons, as well as helped the kids with the homework, and finished that stack of 5 loads of laundry. This is just so much, and you know what, you can ask for help. You must ask for help. This does not make you less of a super woman. It takes strength to ask for help. If the kids are old enough to make the mess, then they are old enough to clean it up. I hated chores as a kid and yours will too, but I promise you won’t feel as guilty when you are not putting everyone’s clothes away till midnight. Ask your spouse for more support and you don not need to justify why you need the help. You didn’t sign up to be a one woman show and you don’t have to be.
2. Learn to say NO!
You can’t do everything and be in 60 places at once, unless you have a special power you can’t be in more than 1 place at a time. You are human. Take a moment to think back on the past month. What activities or tasks did you do? How many things did you sign up for, felt pressure, or guilt to do? Most likely all of it. You are allowed to say No and guess what? You do not need an excuse either. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. People tell you “no” all the time and many of them do not have a reason other than “I don’t want to”. Well guess what beautiful, neither do you! Look at this next month. What do you want to do? Not feeling like making it to every PTA meeting, take it off the calendar. Your partner wants you to go to an event you hate, tell them they are taking a friend. You have friends that ask you to help them move, not today my friend. You get the idea. Now fill that extra time with things you want to do. Plan a date night that you want to go to. Tell your friends you’ll meet them at your favorite restaurant. Tell the kids no one is going to practice till the chores are done because, you are done being the maid.
3. Put yourself on your priority list.
I ask many of my clients where they are on their “To do” list. The answer is usually at the bottom right after cleaning out the cat litter and taking out the trash. Think about that. You are basically the cruise director, chauffer, manager and personal assistant, chef, maid, support, provider, and CFO of everyone in your life but you are at the bottom of the list right after cleaning cat sh**. You need more balance and you need to make your top 3 on your list. You have earned some TLC. Scratch that you don’t need to earn it. You have the right to it!
Your children and spouse will manage if you want to take a 40-minute bubble bath or a damn nap. Life will not fall apart if you go and get that massage you said you wanted 6 months ago. Your kids do not need the new pair of Jordan’s so they can fit in. You need some new underwear girl. You haven’t changed your wardrobe since 2006. Go buy yourself something. Why did your daughter get a $200-dollar salon experience and you are at Walmart Smart Style? Come on this is so out of balance. Go get the things you want and need. Ok starting today, you go to the top of the list. What can you do for you today or in the next few days to fulfill a need or want? Go to the gym, take that Zumba class, start therapy, read that book, get that pedicure, take that personal day, try that B&B, get that ice cream, etc. Think about it like this… Happy ____ (women, moms, spouses, friends, etc), have happy lives. You need to take care of yourself like your life depends on it, because it does.
4. Celebrate you!
Take a moment today (everyday if you like) to celebrate you! You are an incredible person and you do so much. Revel in your glory! No one else can do what you do, can be who you are, and carry the weight of the world the way you do. A more balanced and equal world is so important, and it is time to create it in your life. Celebrate the balance you create. Celebrate your beauty and strength. Celebrate with the other women in your life. We must raise each other up and rise together. Celebrate together.
“I am a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that is me.” Maya Angelou